Monday, 27 October 2014

Goblin Fripperies

Arnold K makes demands.
"I demand a post that contains 3 weird, fungus-based dinners/beverages that are actually pretty tasty, 2 types of goblin mutants, and 1 spell that is the absolute favorite among goblin wizards (an admittedly rare breed, but still. . .)"

 As he wills, so I shall obey.

This image brought to you by some weird ant cannon I found in the Amazon why did they build this

A variety of beverages

Beetle Sour
Shake an egg white, crushed ice and lime with fire beetle haemolymph to make this lip-puckering beverage. Glows softly in darkness making it a favourite in dingy goblin bars and for late-night alcoholics. The citrus sour combines with the gritty umami of the haemolymph to create a beverage with an interesting taste and texture that can take some getting used to.

Goblin Punch
A drink made by fermenting seasonal fruits within the stomach of a dead goblin. Sealed air-tight, the punch is ready when the stomach ruptures due to the gases of fermentation. Serve in a long glass garnished with an olive and rimmed with lye. Refreshing, if bitter.

Bloody Scary
More ritual than drink, a shallow bowl of ectoplasm (usually actually a thick mix of cornflour and milk) is topped with a thin layer of high-proof absinthe and set alight. Three cave weevil grubs are dropped into the flame, causing them to excrete thin ribbons of black tar which wriggle and writhe across the flames in auspicious patterns. A goblin soothsayer interprets the shapes, predicting the time and manner of your death. Then you drink the absinthe.

A couple of goblin varieties

A goblin whose opposable thumbs, due to a rare mutation in the growing phase, can be extended and stretched as thin, dextrous tentacles. So named due to their affinity for picking locks and lifting latches, the thumbs are also horribly good at gouging out eyes. Fairly obvious as their thumbs are twice as long as their fingers.

Tummy Gobbler
It is well known that goblins are grown from the wart-seeds that grow on the noses of hobgoblins. A Tummy Gobbler is what happens when a goblin spore is consumed by a human. The spore nestles in the stomach and grows into a finger-sized parasitic goblinoid which feasts upon the food which drops in from above. The host experiences increased hunger at first, then later stomach cramps and aches as the goblin continues to grow.
At a suitable time, usually when the goblin is the size of two clenched fists, it attempts to leave the body via the colon. This leads to shock and humiliation of the host as they discover the green, giggling creature amongst their painfully large stool.
Unfortunately for the newborn tummy gobbler it is set for a short and unhappy life. While it might be small and acid-resistant, its kind is not respected amongst its goblinoid peers. Small swarms of tummy gobblers can often collect in the sewers and refuse dumps of larger cities, becoming what most humans first think of when they describe members of the goblin race.

Variety hour at the goblin magic show

Long Division
Splits a creature into a number of 1HD mini-creatures equal to creature's hit dice. Each mini-creature is half the size of the original and has an equal proportion of the original creature's intelligence, strength, HP, attack bonus, etc.
A 4HD ogre, for instance, would be split into four mini-ogres each with a quarter of the original ogre's powers and abilities.
If one of the mini-creatures is killed the surviving members gain a commensurate amount of strength and power and grow bigger. The last surviving mini-creature is thus, of course, exactly the same as the original.